Leave Dad Speechless on Father’s Day

Posted by: on June 11, 2012

My father has never been at a loss for words. Being a
salesman, he made his living out of using words to entertain, persuade and seal
a deal.  And this was just as true at home.  Dad loved dispensing clichéd
advice like …  “be nice to the nerd; someday he’ll be your boss” …  “don’t marry for looks, marry someone who cooks; looks fade but cooking gets better with time” …  “the trouble with Trouble is it starts out looking like Fun.”  He
was fond of nonsense colloquialisms like, “I turned around and there he was –
gone,” and “pull up a chair and sit on the floor.”   While these sayings were cause for much eye
rolling from my brother and me, they weren’t nearly as irritating as when Dad
exercised his parental right to be trite:

Example #1

ME:  I’m thirsty.

DAD:  Well, I’m Friday. Let’s get together on Saturday and eat Sundays.

Example #2

ME:  Ouch. My finger hurts.

DAD:  Well, does your face hurt? ‘Cuz it’s killing me.

Even then I knew that these exchanges were lighthearted attempts by my father to connect with his children — but it was incredibly annoying!  So as my brother and I grew older, we began to ignore Dad’s linguistic lobbying.  Bad move. If he couldn’t get us to appreciate wit and wisdom, by golly, he’d teach us to appreciate innuendo and embarrassment:

Example #1 (shouted out the window at my brother playing soccer with friends)

DAD:  Hey, Danny.  Time to come in.  Grandma’s ready for her pedicure.

Example #2 (directed at my guest at the dinner table)

DAD:  Would you care for some broccoli, young man?

WOULD-BE BEAU:  No thank you sir, I don’t like broccoli.

DAD:  Really. Doctors say it’s good for you. Eating broccoli puts hair on your chest.  My daughter eats a lot of the stuff, don’t
you sweetheart?

Now that I’m grown I can truly appreciate my father’s words.
I even find myself using some of those same sayings, much to my children’s
chagrin. Because now I understand that those words spring from a heart of
love.  So this Fathers Day, I intend to give back some love to my Dad by bringing him a “Cho-Cho Cookie Dough” cupcake.
Vanilla cake filled with chunks of cookie dough,
guaranteed to leave Dad speechless (because,
as Father knows, you should never talk with your mouth full.)

Got any funny fatherly sayings from your dad? Share them here!

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